photo: reuters

*i just can't resist*

hope

Depression,
over an innocence lost.
Less likely to be hurt,
but not necessarily happier.

I had a dream;
of a young friend of mine.
He is not really close enough to be a friend,
yet at the same time,
he is more than just an acquaintance.

In my dream,
I felt like I've known him forever.
I dreamt I was there when he came out and embraced his sexuality.
A young fresh thing,
full of ideals and romanticism'
sadly lacking in emotional anchorage
and none the wiser of the tribulations ahead...

He thought coming out was the tough deal'
once he managed to overcome it,
everything else would be hunky dory.

I felt I was there as he encountered guys after guys,
delectable and so his type.
I even know these guys personally.
I feel bad as if I was aware of the dramatic irony
and yet as a bystander,
I stood there and did nothing ...
I wanted to help but I couldn't ...

As I watched,
tragedies unfurled....
Time and again,
this poor young friend of mine
was fucked and mentally fucked.
Abandoned and wanting more,
than just a physical release,
he was exposed to the harsh reality ...

I know these guys personally.
They don't mean to hurt,
yet know not they, the games they played,
the dreams they built,
the expectations they instilled,
are nothing but not.

I imagined him to coming to terms to himself,
as his heart freezes over,
his spirit broken for good,
his expressions barely betraying his true emotions.
Weeks go by,
and come months
then years,

it would seem like he has already accepted his fate.

At that point,
I just wanted to bring him into my arms
and hold him tight,
and tell him I know how he's feeling
and that it's okay to let it out.
I imagined those pent up emotions in him
would come pouring forth.
It would be a totally different side of him
that I have yet to see ..
And I won't let go,
till the very last drop of tears has been shed,
the very last shred of indignity been resolved...

And then, finally without any warning,
he found someone,
someone sincere, honest and true to the world.
There was a renewed faith
a glimmer of hope.

At first trepidations,
ginger steps of uncertainty.
Slowly, I could even hear the walls between them crumbling down ...

They have been together for almost six months now,
and they are happy as can be.

I am so glad that his weather beaten ship,
with its tattered sails
and weary crew,
has finally come home to its harbour ...

There is hope after all.

some day ...

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day
When dreaming ends...

*rant rant*

It’s Hari Raya thingie this week so THE MAID has gone back for her hometown right? So yeah, everything has been more or less ok, except that I have been eating out all this time and doing my own laundry. So 2 nights ago, I was doing the load for my ‘whities’, and the ‘bochap’ side of me threw in all the ‘delicates’ as well (did I hear a round of shudder from you guys?). Damn freaking hell, who would have thought but somehow a little piece of blue sock managed to sneak itself into the load, and now my white 2xist undies have got purple waistbands, while my grey CK ones looks fake with purple letterings. URGGH.

So, yesterday I bought a packet of DYLONS COLOUR RUN REMOVER to which I dumped into a pail with the 2 said clothings. One hour later: Check. Hmm no changes yet. 2 hours later: Check. Hmm still no changes. This morning: Check. ARGGHH the grey CK has become bleached to a light tie-dye version of its former self and the letterings on the band is still purple. DAMMIT. Time to buy new undies I guess..sigh

OK, last Saturday yours truly was scouted to be in an ad for that famous soft drink company with red logo, while waiting in front of The Heeren. And whaddaya know, yesterday I took half a day leave for the shoot. Anyway, the whole freaking time they kept spraying water all over me for that sweaty hot look, which dries up in 5 minutes, to which they repeated the whole process. To cut a story short, it was totally unglam and I woke up this morning with a blardee cold.

To make things worse, the make up girl applied make up on me, and NO, she didn’t try to make it at least water-proof. So that stuffs just kept running into my eyes, which I was not supposed to blink or I’d ‘spoil the moment’ apparently. So now, my eyes are puffy as hell with all the tearing and I’m still all gassy inside with all that soft drink I had … Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it…

Yay its Thursday already! I need sleep!

(dis)illusions

More often than not,
people claim to be disillusioned with love.
For me, at least for the moment,
it is the other way round ...

atlantis

What a coincidence..I was just reading about this last night before bed!!!




Reuters - 16 Nov 2004

A US researcher claims he has discovered the lost civilisation of Atlantis off Cyprus.

Robert Sarmast says a Mediterranean basin was flooded in a deluge about 9000 BC that submerged a rectangular site he believes was Atlantis. It lies 1500 metres below sea level, 80 kilometres off the south-eastern coast of Cyprus.

"We have definitely found it," Mr Sarmast said.

Deepwater sonar scanning had indicated man-made structures on a submerged hill, including a wall three kilometres long, a walled hill summit and deep trenches.

"We cannot yet provide tangible proof in the form of bricks and mortar, as the artefacts are still buried under several metres of sediment, but the circumstantial and other evidence is irrefutable," Mr Sarmast said.

Whether and where Atlantis existed has captured imaginations for centuries. Plato said Atlantis was an island nation where an advanced civilisation developed 11,500 years ago.

Theories abound as to why it disappeared. Some say Atlantis was hit by a cataclysmic natural disaster, but according to Greek mythology the civilisation was so corrupted by greed and power that it was destroyed by God.

Sceptics believe Atlantis was a figment of Plato's imagination.

Mr Sarmast says he was led to Cyprus by clues in Plato's dialogues. Plato's reference to Atlantis lying opposite the Pillars of Hercules, which are believed to be the Straits of Gibraltar, have led explorers to focus on either the Atlantic Ocean, Ireland or the Azores off Portugal.

"People who dismiss this have not really done their homework," Mr Sarmast said.

"Sceptics don't really understand. To understand the enigma of Atlantis you have to have good knowledge of ancient history, biblical references, the Sumerian culture and their tablets and so on."

the road less travelled

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I?
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost ~

soliloquay

Been awhile since I posted anything meaningful ...
not really sure why ..
nothing to write?
nothing to say?
or just plain tired to say ...

Truth of matter is,
lots of things on my mind;
perhaps that is the reason why ...
I just dunno where to begin with ...

Sometimes I wish I am a simpler person,
I wish I am so easily satisfied,
and to be able to practice what I preach,
to be contented with what I have got ...

I wish I can look at myself and say
"Wow, look at what I have got .."
instead of
"Sigh, if only things could go my way ..."

Will I never change?
Is it true what they say about phases in life?
So why is it that some people just doesn't grow up?

Listening to Jay Zhou
"Dong Feng Buo" ...
the lyrics don't make much sense
but something in it makes my heart weep ...

delovely

"it's quite simple really;
two people asks too much from each other ..."

20 Questions later ...

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 46%
Visual : 53%
Left : 52%
Right : 47%



Vincero, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional