So Long and Adieu
Music: Faye Wong - Yue Ding

As the year draws to an end, I contemplate what I have achieved for the past year. A milestone, a reminder, perhaps an encouragement for those times I have dragged myself to an audition, an interview, to the gym...
the bland protein mix, the RECRUIT section on a Saturday morning, the gripping backpack on my shoulders as I dragged myself through the freezing Nanjing Lu of Shanghai with the Orient Pearl Tower as a backdrop seen from the Bund, the torturous 30 hour train ride from Nanjing to Guangxi, the 8 hour plus daily cycling trip through Yangsuo, DJ Station and Babylon in Bangkok, Chatuchak, psychometric assessment by BOC, NATION.03 and Recovery, my first full time job, following my instinct to relocate back, and seeing through to it, MarketCity Model Search Contest, and many more ....memories that mould me to be what I am today and in the future.

If not for anything, may be good for my ego.

1. Finally graduated from University.
2. Went backpacking alone for a month (my first experience)
3. Maintained my weight but looks leaner (ie reduced my fat percentage ratio)
4. Found a full time job
5. Starred in 2 TV commercials and did a runway
6. Made a great friend (u know who u are ...vagab)
7. Came out to my best friend
8. Came out to a few others more, hinting that I am starting to be more comfortable with myself?
9. Gave my brother some pocket money from my first paycheck =)
10. Bought a new phone with my OWN money ...


To all the people I know, I say so long and adieu to this year of 2003, a year full of tribulations and challenges. But one which gave us many lessons and made us grow from outside and within. Made us stronger. May the new year bring a new hope for all of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! **MUAKS**

Nuff said, off to par-tay now!!! Shake those booties =)

New Year Resolutions
Music: Fang Hao Wen - Dream Catcher

1. To take more pictures while I'm still young
2. To travel more (this time Europe or America)
3. Not to conform
4. To save more money (for an apartment?)
5. TO SLEEP MORE!!
6. Be more comfortable with who I am
7. Be more diligent in penning down my thoughts into this journal
8. Wear contact lens less (ie more rest for eyes)
9. Have more conversations with family
10. Be less judgemental towards strangers
11. Read more books
12. Be more rationale when it comes to liking someone.
13. Watch more movies
14. Procrastinate less
15. Eat less junk food and drink more water
16. Be less wary and paranoid of people ... MORE EASYGOING!!!
17. Be less harsh towards myself ... BE HAPPIER!!! (judging from this list, it ain't gonna happen very soon)

BIG in Japan
Music: Fang Hao Wen - Map of Love


Compassion: You are there to share your sympathy
with others. People would consider you
affectionate and caring, and someone to look up
to.


Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best?
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Do you SnowBall?
Music: Lisa Ono - Dans Mon Isle

snowball - v.
After a man ejaculates in someone's mouth, passing the semen back and forth between partners.

Interesting ... sheds a whole new perspective on the party doesn't it? =)



Anyway, I would have to say that the party itself was quite a let down for me. Perhaps I was expecting too much by putting Nation party as THE benchmark. The only point of contention that I realised from this party is the fact that I actually do have some very good friends or have just made some very nice ones.

Earlier in the night, crashed into the room that TT and his bf booked. Me and vagab decided to confer upon this guy (TT) the honour of The Young GAM Award 2003 (and maybe 2004 too). I mean he is like young, cute, buff, great sense/style, super smart and earns big bucks for his age. And to top it off, he's got a great bf who treats him well, plus we both thinks that he might be well-endowed judging from his huge feet haha! OOH he makes a great party host(ess) as well.

Anyway, TT and his bf was being such a great host to us the whole night, starting from their martini-soaked lychees, rum-soaked bananas, lychee vodka soda, chilled baileys on the rocks and a 50:50 red bull vodka. There was even some hand made butter chocolate toffees bought all the way from CA. My oh my, the lives of the young, beautiful and gay. LOL.

Had a brief encounter with WC, after which didn't see him for the whole night. The truth was: things have been so confusing for the past week that I actually couldn't stand to be in the same room as he is. Damn he must be one hell of a mind fucker I hear you say.

I smiled to him and we exchanged hi's. And left the room to get some drinks with TT's bf. He looked so hot in tanktop =P

When I came back, he was gone and apparently there was some drama between him and TT while I was away. I miss him yet I'm not sure I wanna see him. He has the capacity to brighten up my day but he can equally strike a fatal blow to the deepest recesses of me. I am totally FUCKED!!!!

Anyway, anyway.

Bumped into Waltz in the party itself. His chests are sure getting bigger .. "Dai Bo Zai" as what the Hongkees would say.
Vengerov was also there. He must have doubled his size since the last I saw him as well. Arms, shoulders and pecs bulging ... There was Ben from HK, Ben from 'Bent' (hot lil thing), Carmen from my workplace(!!).

Crowds were pretty amazing and tops were off once the foam-bits start falling. But something was missing. Maybe I had WC on my mind (me and Vagab went hunting for him at one point). Preoccupations aside, the music sucked in the beginning and only started picking up afer about 3am.

Vagab, Vengev and I left at 4am to have supper, when we left TT and his bf alone in their aroma-therapised hotel room for celebrations of their own.

Hope WC is enjoying my Christmas pressie - Lisa Ono's "Dans Mon Isle"

My Only Wish
Music: Britney Spears - My Only Wish (This Year)


Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

LOVE actually
Music: Lamb - Gabriel


Settling into my new job slowly and pretty well so far ...settling into a nice rythm, a monotonous one I might add.

A constant hum, a steady buzz ... wonder what keeps me going?

What makes me wake up in the morning?
Get dressed in my business shirt and matching tie?
Have my breakfast, slip on my shoes and grab the briefcase and race for work?
Be thankful when I get there on time?

As I watch the others in the same predicament everyday ... faces jaunt, eyes droppy
An hour too early for their liking.
I wonder what keeps them going too?

What sustains them day to day?
What propels them to keep living this dreary existence of a continuous drab cycle?
A vicious cycle of earning and spending? Of stressful weekdays and worn-out weekends?
Of constant dissatisfactions and fervent pursuits of something better in their lives?

Today I became enlightened as I watched the sappy drama film "Love Actually". Exploring the myriad of themes that love manifests itself in everyday life; an englishman's love towards a portuguese woman that drove him to learn the language, a little boy's crush to a classmate that made him take up music lessons, a wife's love towards her family such that she is able to forgive her cheating husband, an old rock star's love for music that touches everyone, a man's infatuation with his best friend's wife, a woman who loved her retarded brother so much that she willingly lets go of the man she loves, and so on.

"Love actually is all around"

And it's what keeps this world going. And not money as some might purport.

As for me, I have yet to find someone who can make me feel like everything is all worth it. But at least I can revel that I have my family always. Far or near, it comforts me that I am not and never will be alone in this world.



****************************************************



"It's my favourite part of the day, driving you."

"It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you."