Bent


Brandon Fernandez and Keagan Kang as Max and Horst in Bent! They are so hot.

BreadTalk Raisin Toast is to die for !!

Realised that it's gonna be 4 weeks soon since I left Sydney. How time seems to fly over here .... It is only recently as well that it dawned upon me how freaking small the AJ community is. Well not just recently ..I knew in the past but new experiences just reinforce this perception.

-Was at WaterBar on Saturday and found out Os and Pat are actually friends of And as well.

-Met some celebs (?) there, the usual ones being Seb Sim and Robin Goh. There were some 'newly out' faces like Jimmy Yeh and Chen Hanwei. Henry Tee practically shouted out his number to me .. Mmm Timothy Go's (yes the presenter on Channel News Asia) boyfren Rilly, tried to pick me up. Just saw Tim on TV again today, he definitely looks much better there than in real life.

-Aerobic instructor/super fag-hag Kel is apparently LC's best friend.

-And the biggest shock of them all: TT, who is my tutor in Sydney, is also an AJ. I met him that night as well at WaterBar. He is under contract working for a Singapore company for the next 2 years. He is also a fren of HM.

-Went to watch Bent! with TT on Wednesday and met KT there.

With so many 'coincidences' around, I really do not know what will happen on a night at say, Towel Club? How embarrasing it is to bump into people you kinda know in a state of nudity hah! Oh to realise that the guy you just blew in the dark room turns out to be your ex-boss! SCREAM baby!!

Hard to see through the fog

Realized that it has again been another week since I have updated my journal. I dounno why but it seems that I have so little time in Singapore; I am not working anymore, and I have reduced my gym workload drastically (only once this week) and yet I can���t seem to find time to blog! What���s happening?

Many many many things have taken place the past week. So much so that it is like a fog that obscures the path ahead. I am starting to admit defeat; the ideals and aspirations I had when I returned, fully assured that nothing is impossible with my determination of landing myself a good job. But everything seems to go against my favour, my soul and ego has been taking further and further mauling with the passing of each day. I question myself of my purpose in life; if it was to pursue my ideals and live life the way I wanted, then why does it not feel right?

The lowest point occurred just this morning when my dad put forward a proposal for me to work under a new joint venture of his and his new business partner (this obnoxious, arrogant rich arsehole). He argued that it would not be easy to find a job in this kind of economic climate, let alone one that pays ���decent wages���. He also questions my stupidity in ���working like a dog for a couple thousand dollars��� when I could ���learn so much��� by working for them (or so he thinks ���)

But I know it is not as easy as just working for them. I know how their devious minds work; first they entice you with the money and status, and then once you are hooked, they know you���ll never let go. And all these come with conditions, most significantly the condition of a straight lifestyle. I know for a fact that my dad���s biz partner has been eyeing me as his future son-in-law for a very long time now ���

The worse thing is ��� I was abit tempted. I can���t believe it but I think it���s because I am so battered spiritually and mentally, after trying so hard looking for jobs, without any results at all. I am tired and exhausted after drifting in the ocean for so long, trying to swim against the current and I don���t know how much longer I can hold out. A ship appears, I rejoice as it approaches to put me out of my sufferings once and for all.

The skullhead on the flag above the ship does not seem to matter at all. At least, I have a place to shelter before the storm hits again.

Sinister adulations? (or just plain insecurities?)
Music: Don Richmond - Bent

Been another crazy weekend at the clubs..sigh wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life, wasting my youth in all these frivolous pursuits that come to nothing at the end of the day, not to mention those eardrum-busting noises and lack of sleep, whose repercussions I will pay for when I age later. Did somebody say premature hearing loss and wrinkles? *shudder*

TABOO
On Saturday, went to watch LXG with a cousin of mine, where I binged on caramel popcorns in the cinema (it's been awhile since I had them as they don't seem to have it in Sydney) and felt quite guilty afterwards. Then, at about 11pm, I sneaked out of home and met up with Dazz and his new squeeze Kav at Maxwell Food Centre. They also brought along an American-raised Malaysian by the name of Gav.

Maxwell is already swarming with all the queens and bois by then, to the amusement of Dazz. Watching them bitch and prance around, with other 'mainstream' older folks going about their 'char kway teows' and 'yong tau foos' is really an experience by itself LOL. The 2 groups of people seem so incongrous side by side, one cannot help but see the irony of modern day Singapore, the worsening of the digital and generational gap.

Anyhow, we entered Taboo at about half past 11 and sad to say it was pretty dead. Didn't pick up till about an hour later. Even then, we agreed that the crowd was totally 'SALAH'. Wonder where all the cute ones have gone, still in recovery mode after the Nation weekend perhaps. Me and Dazz did spot a hottie though, who doesn't look like a local at all. But he was kinda 'attitude' and 'arrogant'.

A few drinks later, Kav was slightly pissed so Dazz left with him at 2. Me and Gav hung around like 2 best pals, dancing topless on the podiums at times as well. Hehe I was bored okay plus it was my first time at Taboo, and as they say ..there's always a first time .......At about 3, we moved towards the entrance, and that was when all the action started.

The hottie I was talking about, his friend came up and talked to me. He later introduced the hot one as Jason to me. Boy, is he even cuter up close and that body of his ...swoon. Anyway, he was quite drunk and his friend explained that Jason just went through a very bad breakup and is feeling the pits now. Another glance at Jason confirmed this, what came across as aloof previously now presents itself as depressed and anger (or maybe that's what i wanna think). Loyal, emotional, killer looks and bod, what a lethal combinations in a man, no wait a hunk ... my impression of this guy just jeeps getting better. Anyhow, Jason was so pissed drunk that his friend had to drive him home, so that was it.

Then, another group of guys came along and I was introduced to C and Y, the latter who looks uncannily like Daniel Wu. I was again slightly besotted (I know, I'm a slut). Both of them are friends of the ex-MCS actor Sebastian Sim. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and went along our seperate ways.

CHINABLACK
Been hearing so much about the ChinaBlack party last week that we decided to check it out on Sunday night. I suspect they are trying to 'compete' with Centro Bois Night, hence the FREE entry and FREE flow of drinks (I kid you not). When me, Dazz, Kav and a girlfriend of theirs, C got inside the club (which HM thinks reminds him of a funeral parlor), the place was quite pumping. The 3 of them had quite a few drinks, I stuck by my calorific-limitations for the day and declined any offers, thank you.

Met Y and C there again and was told that most of the crowd would probably move to Centro, come 1pm, which was what happened. The crowd thinned considerably by then, everyone left including HM and his friends. Guess they were only there for the drinks hah! Saw Hossan Leong with a GWM bear ...LOL.

This Taiwanese girl called Lui came up to me, mistaking I was her friend from HK, who is a model (*beam with pride* hehe). She is really kewl though and we chatted abit. Also, the chief artistic director of Toy Factory (the group responsible for Bent!) talent scouted me for a role in their new play. I still have his name card but I don't think I'd be interested...

CENTRO
By 2pm, ChinaBlack was practically dead. On hearing news that Centro will be open till 6am (in their new luxury bar Lola), we took a cab headed to One Fullerton. Sad to say, after we got in, we found out that it is open until 4am. We still had fun anyway since C's friend works there at the bar and she and Kav practically drank themselves silly, which is why Kav and Dazz had to leave by 3am.

Me and C bumped into Y and also Lui on the dance floor.

While dancing with Y, an Indian guy who tried to pick me up at CB earlier on, approached me again. It seems like he knows Y as well, old friends from the look of it. Anyway, a couple of times, in hushed tone he asked me if I was interested in Y. And then, he warned me to beware of Y or I'd get hurt. He even said that he has been there before and told me to be careful of Y.

I was shocked.

Why do these things keep happening to me? I don't deny that I have been quite wary of Y since the very first beginning (I get insecure with good looking guys even though I lust after them). But when it came to this, I am not sure who to trust. Are there other motives behind Y's attentions towards me other than just pure homo-attraction? ie is he a player? OR is the Indian guy just trying to prevent us from getting together because he is interested in me as well?

I can't decide whose story to believe. Confused as I was, I refused to let it ruin my night and brushed it aside. But, the damage has been done by then. I felt betrayed and slowly but surely, started inching back into my shell as my only resort of defense mechanism.

Come 4am, I was only too glad to leave the place and retreated back into my safe haven of bedroom .....

Show me the moolah
Music: Tanya Chai Jian Ya - Sha Tan (Beach)

Nice read! Chasing the Pink Dollar$

Life so far

It's been almost 1.5 weeks since I left Sydney and things have been quite predictable and monotonous, except for the NATION weekend of course (see previous entry). It was soo crazy and wild that the following days after that I was suffering from post-party depression. I missed all the debauchery (not what u think it is ... I was referring to more of those wanton display of flesh and uninhibited flaunting of sexuality) but mostly I think I could be one of those attention whores cos I do love all those attentions and pickups I get from the guys. I question myself why I need constant compliments to feel accepted and loved. Perhaps I am one insecure loser. Sigh.

On to a lighter topic, Singapore has really transformed itself. Everyone is just raving about how accepting it has become .... in fact some even suggested it should change its name to Sin-Gay-Pore, which is reminiscent of the tagline Bang-Cock during its heyday of sole supremacy in Asia. There has been another more article in Time magazine about this It's In to be Out

Flip open Straits Times and you have the G-word staring right into your eye. In page 11 of 8 Days this week alone, there are already 2 mentions of gay celebrities; "A Channel 8 actor thought to have dated another actor appears to be returning to the fold ..." and "Angelina Jolie pines for lesbian lover". And that is not all, flip over to page 84 under the section Arts and you'll find 3 local plays with gay themes; "The Wedding Banquet - The Musical", "Bent" and "Mardi Gras". Oh while you are at 8 Days, check out Howard Cheung at page 70 ... totally scrumptious.

Another local monthly magazine, e!culture, which is only its in second publication, declared "Homosexuality has never been so, dare we say, fashionable." And Rick (from the play "Mardi Gras") was also quoted as saying that "We are more liberal than many countries ... you can just tell your friends and they won't raise an eyebrow." which I beg to differ. A new Channel 5 series "Brothers 4" also has Gurmit Singh playing a gay brother, while Tay Ping Hui is a womaniser, who had to pretend to be gay to resist the advances of a maniac girl.

Gay recognition issues aside, I had abit of an arguement with Dazz just then over the phone. The thing is I have always complaiined that he loves to push his opinions on other people even when people have adamantly rejected them. Apparently, he sms-ed me several times which I swear I have yet to receive. He tells me that I have changed to become so arrogant to even be bothered with him. I tried to explain NICELY to him a few farking dozen times but it was as if he wasn't listening at all. He was hell bent on the idea that I do not like associating with him anymore and kept telling me that (no he wasn't joking about it). This is not the first time he has done something like that, in fact he does that all the time. It could be on the phone or at the clubs or we were sitting down for a coffee and he would say something "I know you are this ..." or "I'm sure you will do this/feel this/say that ..". And there is no way I could tell him that it was not the case. Once he decided on something, that was it. It was his words or nothing at all.

I have previously told him before to stop doing it cos it's really getting on my nerves. I don't even take shit no more from my old man and I sure dun need someone to tell me what kind of person I am even when I don't agree. Finally today I blew my top again. He didn't retaliate or rebutt, mostly because I think he knew I was right (well he apologised the last time it happened in Sydney).

I just hope it wouldn't affect the friendship.

Oh another news flash. I bumped into Gerald Wong outside Bras Basah Complex on Wednesday. It was drizzling and he was carrying an umbrella. Our eyes kinda met and I think he might be one of us. But, he didn't really look that spectacular though ..tall maybe but his face was not as chiselled as it looks on magazine covers. Oh well, that's air brushing for you .

Finally, I am also getting Cable Internet from Starhub next week, which means I would be able to stay online 24/7.

Nation.03

I am absolutely BLOWN AWAY by Nation party. Me and my cousin, we agreed to have no expectation whatsoever of it but even then, we couldn't help feeling very excited about it. It was after all our first one and there has been so much hype about it.

Costume-wise, I opted for a new sleeveless grey shirt with a red/white bandana as a wristband, while my 'flamboyant' cousin had a white Zara tanktop with a slim red tie and red wristband. What a show pony that guy hehe. That night, just as we stepped into the outside fringes of the Musical Fountain, we were already quite impressed by the red carpet and the multitudes of strong spotlight that made the night seem like day. There was already a long queue by then (at about 11ish) but the staffs were very efficient and we were inside in no time at all. There were so many people and we watched the drag show until 12, which was only so so.

After that, we moved into the Musical Fountain and I swear it definitely is a MAGICAL experience. The sight of all those sweaty naked bodies (5000 in all) grinding to such ear-busting beats, with the water jets at full blast behind them, in a myriad of colours. And Fridae also did not skimp on the lasers; there were sooo many of them it was like being in a sci-fi movie. In the middle of it all, there was suddenly a remix version of "Relight My Fire" and suddenly bursts of fire flared from amongst the water jets, lighting up the entire floor. I was totally dumbstruck, and everyone just screamed. It was like a scene from Babylon multiplied by manifolds.

And there were so many cute faces with equally to die for bodies and the vibe was amazing. I was told that there was an unprecendented number of visitors from Thailand and HongKong and I think these international visitors might be the reason for the amazing vibe that I felt. Everything and everyone was so pumping that I danced like I've never done before. It was also so hot, like in a sauna, every inch of my skin was drenched. My cousin's jeans was soaked, imagine that! But it was so fun still.

There was quite a few policemen stationed in the front, who stared at disbelief as hordes and hordes of topless muscle hunks, who looked like they could beat the shit out of them walked past, together in hands, hugging and smooching. It was hysterical to say the least.

I met lots of people that I got to know from Bangkok, there was V the toy-boy and A. There was Dan and Tom, the Hongkee couple and of course, mamasan Andie ....

The next day, my cousin and I decided to check out the pool/recovery party at Big Splash. We were quite dissapointed by it at first because there were so little people, say less than 50. But then, more and more people arrived and when the foam pool was filled up at about 7ish, there was quite a sizeable crowd. It was my first FOAM experience and it was quite fun, except there were a few hairy bodies around and I was quite paranoid that the foam qould get into my eyes. Andie was there again and he introduced me to all his friends from HK and Taiwan. Also met Sean, whose body is getting more and more buff if that is possible. There was also an Eurasian guy, who we were checking out and I overheard him speak Cantonese. He has got a really nice body and butt.

Me and my cousin had dinner at one of the hawker centre in East Coast Park before heading to the after party at Tunnel. There was such a long queue by 10ish that we probably had to wait an hour to get in (apprently Tunnel could only hold 1000 people) but luckily my resourceful cousin knew a friend who was from LA as well, who managed to smuggle us in hehehe.

We were slightly dissapointed by the earlier pool party and coupled with the drab facade of this supposedly 'happening' new club, I had totally NO EXPECTATIONS at all. But trust me, Tunnel is the most amazing club I have ever been to in my entire life. The receovery party is as good as Nation itself ... I couldn't remember when I had such great fun ... ARQ does not even hold a candle, sad to say.

Got several pickups ..also met Charl there; emotions were mixed when I met him and I was probably quite distant. He even asked me why I was so scared of him..hehe. Anyway, met a friend of my cousin from HK called W, who looks very hunky and had a really good bod. (note: Kelf, you'd drown in drool if u see him!) and he introduced us to the earlier Eurasian guy, F who is a model from HK.

At one point of time, I went up the podium at the centre of the dance floor and danced with W and his friends. But the whole place was getting so hot that the management got scared. So, they got the security to spray the entire floor with water, it was sooo surreal; being in a club with a gladiator/dungeon decor, all sweating and topless with huundred other guys and then being hosed down. But it certainly helps to cool things down though. The only gripe me and my cousin had was that everyone there was so aggressive and pushy. We would move to a new spot and the same thing would repeat itself once more. As my cuz so eloquently put it, "I'm here to dance, not have a farking conversation!!!". Well, easy for him to say, especially if all he's got covering himself is a pair of grey trunks..hehehe how scandalous! But then, that IS the de reigeur costume for that night I tell ya. Me and my jeans; overdressed!

Anyway, when we left the place at 3ish bumped into Charl and his 'gang' in his car. I assume they are gonne have an 'after-party'. He asked me if I am going to ChinaBlack/Centro tomorrow and I was not sure, so he told me to call him. sigh i dunno. Anyway, apparently everyone is going to more parties on Sunday, a choice of eitehr ChinaBlack at Pacific Plaza or Centro at One Fullerton. I ended up staying at home, typing this up. 2 days of non stop partying is abit too much for me, I need to get sme work done and do my own style of recuperation at home.

W, the hot HK guy, called me though and said he is leaving on Monday and hopes to catch up. What a waste that he lives in HK. sigh and from what my cousin told me about him, he is a really sensitive and loyal guy too ....

anyway thats it fer now. More to come soon when the pictures are ready ...

Major Lifestyle Overhaul

The flight back to Singapore was relatively uneventful ... except for the particular incident where my pen leaked while I was penning down some thoughts amongst the clouds. Other than that, nothing major.

Finally, I met up with my cousin who I have not seen for more than 5 years. No changes really. Perhaps a little taller, and with a little more of a Yankee accent. Urm nice tan as well, what with all the Californian summer sun and all. But anyhow, we got talking and my gaydar was at full throttle. I dropped more and more hints and so did he. Finally, he just blurted out ... and out came his true sexual orientation.

It was amazing, finally getting to know someone after being around them for all your life and to be truly honest to them as well. That night I arrived in SG became a "bare-all-hide-nothing" session.

So, we decided to go to Nation03 together and for the last few days we have even been hanging out together, preparing for the bash by having haircuts, planning what to wear and shopping. It was the first time that I have felt really close to him. We even went bar hoppiing on Tuesday night; Backstage Bar, Water Bar, Taboo and then lastly Why Not, where there were having a karaoke session. Oooh, someone bought us a drink as well ...

Well the only gripe I has at the moment is my cousin is stealing part, if not most of my limelight. And he gets quite a lot of attentions as clubs, and being the more outgoing one and in my opinion, overfriendly and a prick-teaser, he does seems to have more fun. But that's fine with me, I get uncomfortable with too much attention anyway hehe.

Next post: Nation03

First Class, International

After breaking my sales record on Wednesday with more than $1K in sales, I am feeling quite pleased at the mo. On Thursday, I decide to pay my final homage to Dendy's Cinema. Together with DC, we watched Personal Velocity, a movie about 3 different women with 3 different stories. It was kinda like The Hours except that their 3 lives took place more or less during the same time, and revolving around the same theme of courage to change the directions of their destinies. It left us with many questions in our minds though, not very easy to understand at all.

The plan to get trippin' at H O M E on Friday night with Marc and Alf fell through however and we ended up watching A View from the Top instead at Fox Studios. It was quite good actually and I really think Gwyneth Paltrow has this ability to capture the audience with her elegance and regality. Even as a small town girl in the movie, her impeccable pedigree blood still shone through all that tacky makeup and big hair. As a flight attendant serving first class international, basking in the City of Lights Paris in her yellow coat, black beret and polka-dots umbrella, she was absolutely stunning. Took even my breath away and that is alot coming from a gay guy. Mike Myers as the instructor made me gasp for breath with all the faces he was making throughout LOL. The movie also revolves around the theme of succeeding when you put your mind into it and also the viciousness/bitchiness of the airline industries, with back stabbings between the cabin crew members, which is not too different from my fragrance industry.

I totally recommend it for all the trolly dollies out there, so keep it in mind when you next go to a cinema next timeJuve!