Hard to see through the fog
Realized that it has again been another week since I have updated my journal. I dounno why but it seems that I have so little time in Singapore; I am not working anymore, and I have reduced my gym workload drastically (only once this week) and yet I can���t seem to find time to blog! What���s happening?
Many many many things have taken place the past week. So much so that it is like a fog that obscures the path ahead. I am starting to admit defeat; the ideals and aspirations I had when I returned, fully assured that nothing is impossible with my determination of landing myself a good job. But everything seems to go against my favour, my soul and ego has been taking further and further mauling with the passing of each day. I question myself of my purpose in life; if it was to pursue my ideals and live life the way I wanted, then why does it not feel right?
The lowest point occurred just this morning when my dad put forward a proposal for me to work under a new joint venture of his and his new business partner (this obnoxious, arrogant rich arsehole). He argued that it would not be easy to find a job in this kind of economic climate, let alone one that pays ���decent wages���. He also questions my stupidity in ���working like a dog for a couple thousand dollars��� when I could ���learn so much��� by working for them (or so he thinks ���)
But I know it is not as easy as just working for them. I know how their devious minds work; first they entice you with the money and status, and then once you are hooked, they know you���ll never let go. And all these come with conditions, most significantly the condition of a straight lifestyle. I know for a fact that my dad���s biz partner has been eyeing me as his future son-in-law for a very long time now ���
The worse thing is ��� I was abit tempted. I can���t believe it but I think it���s because I am so battered spiritually and mentally, after trying so hard looking for jobs, without any results at all. I am tired and exhausted after drifting in the ocean for so long, trying to swim against the current and I don���t know how much longer I can hold out. A ship appears, I rejoice as it approaches to put me out of my sufferings once and for all.
The skullhead on the flag above the ship does not seem to matter at all. At least, I have a place to shelter before the storm hits again.
Realized that it has again been another week since I have updated my journal. I dounno why but it seems that I have so little time in Singapore; I am not working anymore, and I have reduced my gym workload drastically (only once this week) and yet I can���t seem to find time to blog! What���s happening?
Many many many things have taken place the past week. So much so that it is like a fog that obscures the path ahead. I am starting to admit defeat; the ideals and aspirations I had when I returned, fully assured that nothing is impossible with my determination of landing myself a good job. But everything seems to go against my favour, my soul and ego has been taking further and further mauling with the passing of each day. I question myself of my purpose in life; if it was to pursue my ideals and live life the way I wanted, then why does it not feel right?
The lowest point occurred just this morning when my dad put forward a proposal for me to work under a new joint venture of his and his new business partner (this obnoxious, arrogant rich arsehole). He argued that it would not be easy to find a job in this kind of economic climate, let alone one that pays ���decent wages���. He also questions my stupidity in ���working like a dog for a couple thousand dollars��� when I could ���learn so much��� by working for them (or so he thinks ���)
But I know it is not as easy as just working for them. I know how their devious minds work; first they entice you with the money and status, and then once you are hooked, they know you���ll never let go. And all these come with conditions, most significantly the condition of a straight lifestyle. I know for a fact that my dad���s biz partner has been eyeing me as his future son-in-law for a very long time now ���
The worse thing is ��� I was abit tempted. I can���t believe it but I think it���s because I am so battered spiritually and mentally, after trying so hard looking for jobs, without any results at all. I am tired and exhausted after drifting in the ocean for so long, trying to swim against the current and I don���t know how much longer I can hold out. A ship appears, I rejoice as it approaches to put me out of my sufferings once and for all.
The skullhead on the flag above the ship does not seem to matter at all. At least, I have a place to shelter before the storm hits again.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home