so many questions; so little time
music: maria callas - o mio babbino caro (gianni schicchi); mood: ambivalent

a constant thought that pervades my mind these days;
how much i have changed, since yesterday;
from last month; a year ago...
the pace of my transformation astounds myself.
i am not even half the person i was 2 months ago.

is it for the better, i know not.
is it an inevitable passage everyone goes through
once they get to a certain age? or does it have to do
with being just another fellow being trying to survive in
this cutthroat society?

am i only discovering the real me?
the me that I have denied repeatedly for what i believed
was the way things should be?
is this why i am getting comfortable and even
identifying with things that I find unacceptable just 2 months
back?

does this mean that i am less judgmental these days?
or is this a gradual erosion of my principles and morals?
should i rejoice or should i fret?
should i resist or should i embrace it whole-heartedly?

at this rate, i'm afraid even vagab or j.woo would not be able
to recognise me when they return from overseas.


O mio babbino caro,
mi piace 猫 bello, bello;
vo'andare in Porta Rossa
a comperar l'anello!
S矛, s矛, ci voglio andare!
e se l'amassi indarno,
andrei sul Ponte Vecchio,
ma per buttarmi in Arno!
Mi struggo e mi tormento!
O Dio, vorrei morir! (translation)