Autumn in Shanghai

This past weekend has seen the temperatures in Shanghai drop 10 degrees to 25C, finally heralding signs of autumn. It also marks our 6th month here since arriving from Singapore in April.

Much has transpired in this period of time.

Uncertainties. Trepidations. Excitements. Expectations.

At times, we have even felt exhausted with all these roller coaster of emotions. But we are thankful yet for having each other to get us through them and even more so, for the opportunity to savor these experiences.

Finally living together for the past half a year and building a new life in a new city together. And we are loving every minute of it ... and I wonder why we never started this earlier. And can't imagine it any other way except this.

We have seen our horizons expand and our circle of friends widen. And yet, we are glad that we have kept our old friends in close contact, thanks to the power of the internet! We are bitching with each other every night just like we were back at home...

We learn new things about each other, some that we like and many others that we don't too ... and there are times when I am not particularly proud of the way I handle certain situations. But we live and learn ... And I pray that it'd never stop that way.

Like the season that was the nippy spring when we first arrived, giving way to the record-high scorching summer of June, and now mellowing to a breezy cool autumn ... may our lives and loves be filled with as much excitements, hopes and rewards!

庆幸

失去和拥有刹那的感动
人生有时候像一场梦
醒着的时候睁开了双眸
不如意的很多

朋友和情人来的来走的走
反反复复寻寻觅觅为了什么
要多少时间才能够了解
其实有你就足够

握着你的手走过快乐和难过
黑夜白昼我们都曾经拥有
人生是没有定律的一种节奏
不如用心去感受

快乐的一刻胜过永恒的难过
黑夜过后就有日出和日落
两个人走不会寂寞
每一刻都会珍惜都会把握
庆幸有你爱我

Goodwill to all Mankind

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas guys!

A Peek at the Cock Party in JKT

THE DINNER









THE OFFERINGS






THE SIGHTS




BLISS THE CLUB




THE DOWAGER'S BIRTHDAY




THE SOCIAL DINNERS

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER (New Year Reso)

1. Not to take my close friends for granted
2. In any relationships, communicate, communicate, communicate.
3. Pick up French where I left off
4. Get more sleep
5. Never tan without any sunblock on, especially so between 12 to 2 pm.
6. Give tennis another chance.
7. Either that, or try something new, such as golf or choir.
8. Focus more during work. (this is gonna be tough …)
9. Call Mom and Dad at least twice a week (hmm ….)
10. Maybe I should spend a weekend or two getting in touch with Nature (besides watching NGC and Discovery channel of course). You know, like trekking or mountain climbing …
11. Smoke less (?)
12. Wear less contact lenses (I should start going to gym in my glasses)
13. Drink more water
14. Save more money, and maybe invest a bit more.
15. Travel and see more of the world
16. Take more photos
17. Write more journal entries
18. Worry less and do more
19. Procrastinate less (this is gonna be even tougher)

my salvation

Ever since I came down with a Strep Throat on Tuesday;

*********************************************************************************
DEFINITION:
Strep throat ? With strep throat and other forms of bacterial pharyngitis, sore throat can be accompanied by any of the following symptoms: fever, pain when swallowing, a generally sick feeling (malaise), headache, redness and swelling in the throat, a coating on the tonsils or tongue, and swollen, tender lymph nodes (swollen glands) in the front of the neck. Children also can have nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain.
*********************************************************************************

I have not been able to get much sleep, and I've been eating half my usual servings too. I also stopped my daily protein and other wat-nots supplements. As such, I have lost almost 2kg by today.

The worst, however, is that constant throbbing excruciating pain that permeates from my throat and spreads through my entire jaw and skull. And when I swallow, be it my food or water or even just my saliva, it feels like I'm swallowing broken pieces of glass. And it doesn't even feel like the anti-inflammatories and antibiotics are helping at all ...

So 3 days later, after polishing through an entire packet of Panadol Extra and the whole prescription of Ponstan(R) (aka mefenamic acid)I was desperate for something that gives me a more constant and effective sedation. Luckily for me, I've found Zolterol (aka diclofenac sodium). It's this new class of painkillers that reduces pain through a multi-faceted mechanism and best of all, its sustained release and lasts for 24 hours!!!

I'm in heaven ...

missing sydney

Lately, i realise i've been longing for those days that I spent in Sydney.
Perhaps, those times were associated with youthful innocence and wilful ignorance.
It was a time where I knew less, yearned for less but happier maybe. I had many 'firsts' over there. My first handphone, my first alcoholic drink (i think it was a QUICKFUCK), my first sex, first bf, first hit at pot, e and fag, first rave party, first gay party, first time falling in love with the beach and cafe culture, first freedom, first skiing and snowboarding, ...

Perhaps, with the recent influx of all the Ozzie students coming back for the summer holidays, and they brought with them stories of that land downunder, those emotions are once again stirred up. I miss so many of the people there, and those fun times that we have spent together. I loathed the place when I first arrived, and slowly I grew to appreciate the lifestyle it gave me ...

Above all, I miss the dog which my sis used to keep there.
We called it Whiskey, cos it looked drunk with its tongue perpetually sticking out from the side ... We gave it to a fren when we left Sydney and I very much want to visit it again when I go over in March, but they are all the way in Wollongong, which is like 2-3 hours away from Sydney. Sigh... see how lah

before sunset

"When you're young, you believe there'll be many people you can connect with.
You get older, you know it'll only happen a few times."

memories from a bygone era ...

"so this is it, the last sleepover.
it is the end of a chapter,
but its only the beginning of a book.
i am supposed to feel a bit sad right now,
but i dont (alright, alright, a bit maybe).
people keep asking me how do i feel,
it seems the only right thing
for me to feel is despair...
i want to describe what's going on in my head,
but i cant ...
open the curtain this morning,
all i can see is this big bright blue sky,
not even a drop of cloud in sight.
there is so many future out there
and there are so many things we need to explore ...
to cut it short, good luck to you
and i hope in the future when i am on my way
to god-knows-where,
i will see you again.

love, DC."

Carrie speaks the truth

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away"

"In response to the horrifying disaster happened on Dec 26 and the massive relief work as a result, we, a group of professional and amateur artistes of Cantonese opera have quickly organised a charity show on Jan 18 (Tue) at Kreta Ayer Theatre, Chinatown to raise funds for Red Cross.

We aim to raise S$50,000 or more. All expenses are either waived or covered by sponsors. 100% of giving will go to the cause.

Ticket sales has started at $50 and $30@. Program is indicated in the poster attached: 3 excerpts and 3 songs, among which we are lucky and honored to have the reputable artiste from China Mr Pang Zhi Quan who has agreed to donate his talent to sing and make an appeal that evening. "



PSST, a certain Mr Wan will be performing in the "Purple Phoenix Chambers".
Don't say I never tell you ....

morning musings

A new year may have arrived,
but the struggles still continue ...
the road ahead still looks bleak,
but despite all these,
I still want to have hope.

For what is a man if he does not have them?

i don't know how many miles away is KL ...

If you miss the train I’m on, you will know that I am gone
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.

Lord I’m one, lord I’m two, lord I’m three, lord I’m four,
Lord I’m 500 miles away from home.
500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles
Lord I’m five hundred miles away from home.


Have a Fabulous New Year everyone!!!

sms

"It's a really comforting feeling
to feel e vibes for someone n be
preoccupied w him on my mind :)"

dreams

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

-- William Butler Yeats

flashback

Some people snort at the idea that a young punkie group like
the Moffats would have enough credibility to sing about life.
To sing about its frailty.
To talk about their passion for it
and their intensity for love.
But sometimes, as I read lyrics of theirs like below,
I am starting to believe that perhaps with innocence and ignorance,
would people see the truth.


"If Life is so short" - The Moffats

Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away so fast
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad
But if you give me one more chance
To show my love for you is true I'll stand by your side your whole life through

If life is so short
Why don't you let me love you
Before we run out of time If love is so strong
Why won't you take the chance
Before our time has gone
If life is so short, if life is so short

Love is a word that explains how I feel for you
And when you're in my arms, all my dreams come true
And when you're not around
You can't hardly see
These tears that I'm crying now are for you to be with me

Realisation

After all that i've been through,
All the pain and anger that i've stomached.
I thought I was ready.
I thought nothing can struck me down anymore.
I thought I've seen it all.

Now I know I'm wrong.

I thought we had something special.
All along.
I guess I've imagined it all.
My silly little dream.

I'm still in shock,
at how much I am still susceptible to hurt.
It scares me ...
I guess something in me is still human after all.

This entry is a tribute to that part of me.

tension

*overheard at the gym locker room on a Sunday afternoon*

ME: Hey. Just got here?
CUTE GUY (CG): Hey .. Yup.
ME: Oh .. (admiring his biceps) So what are you doing today?
CG: Today? Err ... nothing.
ME: I mean which muscle group you working out?
CG: Oh ...probably the deltoids and stuffs...
ME: OK
CG: You just came? .. I mean you just arrived?
ME: *smirk*

LOL ..could almost smell the sexual tension in the air.
CG can be so endearing.

disclaimer: Vincero does not usually, under normal circumstances,
chat people up at the gym locker room. He only does it under exceptional
circumstances, eg when the guy is drop dead cute.

both happened to me before (ok im obsessed abt this strip and im supposed to be working ...sigh)

cute

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

finally

BREAKING GROUND WITH A GAY MOVIE HERO

By SHARON WAXMAN
The New York Times, 11/20/04

As the culture wars rage anew between social conservatives and their liberal counterparts, Hollywood is preparing to break fresh ground by releasing a high-budget epic film in which the lead character - a classic, and classical, action hero - is passionately in love with a man.

In Oliver Stone's three-hour drama, "Alexander," Colin Farrell, as the fourth-century Macedonian conqueror Alexander the Great, has a number of tender love scenes with his best friend, Hephaistion, played by a long-haired Jared Leto. In the film, which cost about $155 million to produce, Alexander is also married to Roxane, played by Rosario Dawson, but the marriage takes a back seat to his passion for his boyhood friend.

In decades past, Hollywood hinted at classical homosexuality in major films like 1960's "Spartacus." And it has dealt with the contemporary subject comically in films like "The Birdcage," the 1996 adaptation of the French film "La Cage aux Folles." But the film industry has never risked quite so much on a blockbuster film that depicts a leading man as gay or bisexual.

In breaking with that historical reticence, "Alexander," set for release by Time Warner Inc.'s Warner Brothers studio next Wednesday, may redefine what is acceptable to mass audiences when it comes to heroic portrayals on the silver screen.

Warner, which financed "Alexander" with the German company Intermedia, has taken pains to de-emphasize the film's gay aspect in its advertising campaign - the trailer declares Alexander's "passion" while showing a love scene between Mr. Farrell and Ms. Dawson.

Mr. Stone, who had final say over the film, scaled back some of the gay love scenes after Warner objected to them and to some of the movie's violence. But the director, who critics say took liberties with historical fact in films like "J.F.K." and "Nixon," said that his choice with "Alexander" was to hew to the record.

"I don't want to corrupt history," Mr. Stone said in an interview. "I don't want to say, 'How do I make this work for a modern audience?' Alexander to me is a perfect blend of male-female, masculine-feminine, yin-yang. He could communicate with both sides of his nature. When you get to modern-day focus groups, to who'll get offended in Hawaii or Maine, you can't get out of it."

Still, Mr. Stone said he was concerned that there might be a backlash. "I'd be na?ve not to be concerned, in America, anyway," he said. "I didn't know there would be a parallel situation going on."

The parallel situation Mr. Stone refers to is that in the wake of the presidential election and the passage of prohibitions on gay marriage in a number of states, homosexuality has resurfaced as a focus of debate and controversy among cultural critics.

Some are already taking aim at Mr. Stone's movie. "There will be people who see Alexander the Great's bisexuality as applauding that lifestyle, and unfortunately it will lead some young boys, young men down a path that I think they'll regret someday," said Bob Waliszewski, a film critic with Focus on the Family, a Christian group.

In Greece, Reuters reported that a group of Greek lawyers threatened to sue the studio and Mr. Stone for saying that Alexander was bisexual. Warner and Intermedia said they had not been contacted by the group.

Historians of antiquity say the picture's depiction of Alexander is more or less accurate, noting that the conqueror was inconsolable when Hephaistion died, though he also had various wives and mistresses. They also note that Alexander's bisexuality was common for his time.

"In the broadest sense Hephaistion is the love of his life, and not just based on sex," said Robin Lane Fox, an Oxford historian who was a consultant on the film. "They'd been together since boyhood, 25 years. That's what Oliver, with the Hephaistion scenes, was trying to present."

But historians of cinema said the depiction of a gay or bisexual leading man in a major Hollywood film had little precedent. When Warner earlier this year released another classical epic, "Troy" - based on "The Iliad" - it changed what Greek scholars regard as a love relationship between Achilles and Patroclus into a family tie. In that film, Patroclus is Achilles' cousin, and Achilles, played by a glisteningly buff Brad Pitt, is decidedly heterosexual.

As for "Alexander," Warner Brothers' president, Alan F. Horn, explained: "Oliver Stone is a final-cut director. He was very clear at the point at which I green-lit the movie that Alexander was a bisexual character. He felt very strongly about being historically accurate."

At least some experts say they believe the resulting film will be credited with breaking a taboo that was due to fall. "I think it will be seen as a landmark," said Thomas Waugh, film professor at Concordia University in Montreal and author of "The Fruit Machine: Twenty Years of Writings on Queer Cinema."Mr. Waugh added: "The films in which Hollywood has broken through have been social-issue melodramas-- 'Philadelphia' or 'The Hours.' That's much different than a swords-and-sandal epic, where you're presumably aiming at a so-called general audience, which in Hollywood's mind is basically dominated by teenage boys." "Alexander," which is rated R, will be open to those under 17 only if they are with an adult.

Hollywood's willingness to depict gay culture openly has gone in cycles, generally following society's reigning mores. Often movies have lagged behind television, which in series like "Soap" in the late 1970's and early 80's and "Will & Grace" now has treated the subject directly. Today gay characters are common throughout series television.

As mainstream cinema came much closer to accepting homosexuality in the last decade, it usually chose to do so in comedies like "The Birdcage," which took in $124 million at the domestic box office for MGM in its 1996 release, or "In & Out," which had $64 million in domestic ticket sales a year later.

Mr. Stone's films have often weathered criticism for taking extreme political or social positions, and in "Alexander" he has hardly shied away from controversy. The picture has no homosexual sex scene but shows many close-ups of Alexander and Hephaistion (both wearing eye makeup) confessing their deep affection. Mr. Stone trimmed a scene in which Alexander goes to bed with his Persian servant, a eunuch and historically accurate figure, but their passionate kiss remains.

Even Mr. Lane Fox, the historian, said the director may have overemphasized homosexuality somewhat in his depiction of the Alexander-Hephaistion relationship. But some welcomed the portrayal of Alexander as representing progress toward the acceptance of homosexuality into mainstream culture.

"Big-budget Hollywood films have not even scratched the surface when it comes to portraying our lives, our relationships and our sexuality," said Joan M. Garry, executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. "In this climate, our visibility is more important than ever. Public opinion does not change overnight. And a major part of moving the needle on that acceptance is making sure that we are a part of Hollywood storytelling."

In conservative circles, some, at least, say they believe it is high time for Hollywood to strive for historical accuracy in its filmmaking, even if that means depicting homosexuality.

"The key question for cultural conservatives, and I'm one of them, is context," said Michael Medved, a film critic and conservative talk show host. "It seems to me if you can ever make the case, and I think you can, that gay sex scenes are appropriate, it would be in this kind of movie. I've read enough about Alexander to know that it is not out of the mainstream to assume Alexander is bisexual."

Nonetheless, Mr. Medved said broad American audiences may not be ready for this kind of screen hero. "There's a certain audience out there that just loves war movies, battle movies - 'Braveheart,' 'Saving Private Ryan,' 'We Were Soldiers,' " he observed. "There are probably a bunch of people who will go to see 'Alexander' looking for a he-man, a superwarrior. When they find out he's playing for the other team, that will probably create a certain indignation in some of the audience."

Holding the Man

"I reached out and touched his hair. He turned and kissed my hand. I moved closer until we were standing against each other. He smelt like soap and clean clothes. Gentle. Just holding and kissing gently.

If this had been it, if I had died then, I would have said it was enough."


Just finished reading Timothy Conigrave's "Holding the Man"
for the second time in my life.
The first was more than 2 years ago;
a 21st birthday present from one of my first gay friend in Sydney.
I remember being so touched by the autobiography, that I couldn't
hold the tears back, as I finished the book in one sitting.
This time, I was similiarly moved.
But my cheeks stayed dry.

A tribute to a present day Romeo and Juliet, homosexual-style;
Timothy Conigrave (1959 - 1994) and his lover, John Caleo.



And to celebrate World AIDS Day (both died from AIDS), I shall take
this opportunity to remind friends and enemies once for all,
PRACTICE SAFE SEX!!!

DNA

if you break everything down to its basic elements (or deoxy-ribonucleic acid if you wanna be specific), we are but only a few letters different from that cat you see at the hawker centre ...

photo: reuters

*i just can't resist*

hope

Depression,
over an innocence lost.
Less likely to be hurt,
but not necessarily happier.

I had a dream;
of a young friend of mine.
He is not really close enough to be a friend,
yet at the same time,
he is more than just an acquaintance.

In my dream,
I felt like I've known him forever.
I dreamt I was there when he came out and embraced his sexuality.
A young fresh thing,
full of ideals and romanticism'
sadly lacking in emotional anchorage
and none the wiser of the tribulations ahead...

He thought coming out was the tough deal'
once he managed to overcome it,
everything else would be hunky dory.

I felt I was there as he encountered guys after guys,
delectable and so his type.
I even know these guys personally.
I feel bad as if I was aware of the dramatic irony
and yet as a bystander,
I stood there and did nothing ...
I wanted to help but I couldn't ...

As I watched,
tragedies unfurled....
Time and again,
this poor young friend of mine
was fucked and mentally fucked.
Abandoned and wanting more,
than just a physical release,
he was exposed to the harsh reality ...

I know these guys personally.
They don't mean to hurt,
yet know not they, the games they played,
the dreams they built,
the expectations they instilled,
are nothing but not.

I imagined him to coming to terms to himself,
as his heart freezes over,
his spirit broken for good,
his expressions barely betraying his true emotions.
Weeks go by,
and come months
then years,

it would seem like he has already accepted his fate.

At that point,
I just wanted to bring him into my arms
and hold him tight,
and tell him I know how he's feeling
and that it's okay to let it out.
I imagined those pent up emotions in him
would come pouring forth.
It would be a totally different side of him
that I have yet to see ..
And I won't let go,
till the very last drop of tears has been shed,
the very last shred of indignity been resolved...

And then, finally without any warning,
he found someone,
someone sincere, honest and true to the world.
There was a renewed faith
a glimmer of hope.

At first trepidations,
ginger steps of uncertainty.
Slowly, I could even hear the walls between them crumbling down ...

They have been together for almost six months now,
and they are happy as can be.

I am so glad that his weather beaten ship,
with its tattered sails
and weary crew,
has finally come home to its harbour ...

There is hope after all.

some day ...

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day
When dreaming ends...

*rant rant*

It’s Hari Raya thingie this week so THE MAID has gone back for her hometown right? So yeah, everything has been more or less ok, except that I have been eating out all this time and doing my own laundry. So 2 nights ago, I was doing the load for my ‘whities’, and the ‘bochap’ side of me threw in all the ‘delicates’ as well (did I hear a round of shudder from you guys?). Damn freaking hell, who would have thought but somehow a little piece of blue sock managed to sneak itself into the load, and now my white 2xist undies have got purple waistbands, while my grey CK ones looks fake with purple letterings. URGGH.

So, yesterday I bought a packet of DYLONS COLOUR RUN REMOVER to which I dumped into a pail with the 2 said clothings. One hour later: Check. Hmm no changes yet. 2 hours later: Check. Hmm still no changes. This morning: Check. ARGGHH the grey CK has become bleached to a light tie-dye version of its former self and the letterings on the band is still purple. DAMMIT. Time to buy new undies I guess..sigh

OK, last Saturday yours truly was scouted to be in an ad for that famous soft drink company with red logo, while waiting in front of The Heeren. And whaddaya know, yesterday I took half a day leave for the shoot. Anyway, the whole freaking time they kept spraying water all over me for that sweaty hot look, which dries up in 5 minutes, to which they repeated the whole process. To cut a story short, it was totally unglam and I woke up this morning with a blardee cold.

To make things worse, the make up girl applied make up on me, and NO, she didn’t try to make it at least water-proof. So that stuffs just kept running into my eyes, which I was not supposed to blink or I’d ‘spoil the moment’ apparently. So now, my eyes are puffy as hell with all the tearing and I’m still all gassy inside with all that soft drink I had … Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it…

Yay its Thursday already! I need sleep!

(dis)illusions

More often than not,
people claim to be disillusioned with love.
For me, at least for the moment,
it is the other way round ...