the sky of a 13 year old (warning: dramas ahead)
mood: melancholic/ nostalgic
music: someone to watch over me - Ella Fitzgerald

I was washing my face, right after I got home from work.

When suddenly, I am reminded of him. My eyes shut, my face covered in suds and my hands hard at work, washing off the day's grime, and he came into my mind.

It seems like ages ago, but I could still remember every details ... so here goes.

My first crush.

I was in Sec. One and he was in Sec. Four.
I had floppy hair with centre parting, he has short spiky hair.
And he was the president of my ECA then (they changed the 'extra'
word into 'compulsory' now i heard)

He was always very nice and sweet to me. Took real good care of me
and told me stories and taught me stuffs, like basketball and the harmonica.
He was extremely gentle, and never have I seen him raise his voice to anyone
before. But yet, everyone respected him because he was so disciplined and he
treated each one with utmost sincerity.

After our final exams, our ECA team went on a week trip to Hong Kong and I was
assigned to be in the same room as him.

Being kids, I remember how excited we felt to be set loose in a foreign land, without
any of our parents. We waited for the teachers to fall asleep and we would crash
each other's rooms and do silly stuffs. Then, we'd run out to go shopping at midnight
and eat supper.

Looking back, he was the only mature-thinking one it seems.
Seeing how it was impossible for him to stop us, and yet worried about
our safety, he splitted us into groups, each with a senior to lead and
made sure that everyone got back safely.

2 days before that trip, I had just gone to the newly opened Fantasy Island
in Sentosa (now defunct). My shoulders were burnt and I mentioned that it
hurts while I was walking around with my backpack on.

He went out to buy me some lotion to rub on.
I was so touched by how selfless he takes care of others then.

This other time, we were shopping in Women's Street and amongst
the cacophony and chaos, I realised that my shoelaces were undone
and I placed my purchases down and bent down to tie them up.

Without a word, he picked my bags up and waited beside for me to
finish tying my laces, before going to find the group who have left us far behind.
No doubt, he would have done it to every others as it was his responsibility
to make sure everyone is safe but it felt really good inside that there is
someone watching over me ...

The nights we spent in the same room was full of chatters. We would lie awake
on our beds and he would tell me stories. Of his days as a freshie in our school,
of the girls he used to like amongst other stuffs.

But mostly he talked about the stars.

He was obsessed about them and would describe to me the way our solar
system fits into the galaxy, and how there are millions other stars in our
milky way, each a veritable solar system in its own rights. He also explained
how there are millions of galaxies spread throughout our entire universe, to
my utter amazement.

In that tiny hotel room, in that small foreign land, I got my first lesson in life as a 13 year
old boy. I learnt that we humans are so small and insignificant in the greater picture,
a mere small atom in the vast ocean, and so many of our so-called troubles and worries
are nothing but self-imposed.

He opened up my mind and I know I will never be the same again.
I felt strangely at peace, comforted by his low and soft voice, as if nothing
in the world can bother me now...

During the trip, we came across a hobby store where he managed to find a
good telescope at a reasonable price. Inspired by his talks, I also bought
one for myself.

That night, he taught me the terms of each parts of the telescope and how
to focus on each others. The names of the stars practically rolled off his
tongue like everyday terms. We spent hours peering through the viewfinder
and through the hotel window glass.

"It's just too cloudy for us to see anything... plus the city is too bright"
he finally exclaims, to explain our fruitless attempts, to which I nodded thoughtfully.

"the best place to see them would be somewhere isolated and dark,
like the islands or up in the mountains" he added.

My mind wandered off ...

The day that I got back to Singapore, and entered my room. I sat down
on my bed and the tears flowed like crazy. I know I am not going to see him
again, now that he's off to JC, and I remembered feeling a lump in my throat
and a knife in my heart ... I felt so lost.

After that, he came back to visit us once. I was in Sec 2 and it was during Chinese
New Year celebration. He gave me a card. I couldn't bear to look at him, though I
was mostly over the heartache. In fact, I almost hated him for "abandoning" me.
That was the last I ever saw of him.




*********************************



Last I heard, a close friend bumped into him at Bedok Interchange. This was
where we used to hang out in those days. Apparently he has not changed much
in appearance. He is now an accountant with E&Y, and still single so it seems.

He is still one of the most special person I have encountered in my journey
of life. Words can scarely describe how gentle and sweet-natured this guy truly is
but yet, having not seen him for so long, the thought of meeting up with him again
scares me. Will it bring back too many painful memories or will it reveal buried
emotions that I thought have been washed away by the currents of time?

Nowadays, when I look up at a sky full of stars (like at my recent trip to Bintan),
I will definitely think of him. I wonder if he still gazes up into the dark skies
these days with a telescope or is he just too busy for that? Maybe he has plans
to save enough money to marry, to buy a house to set up a family, to plan for his
children's education. He won't have time for such simple luxuries anymore, would
he? I wonder, could he also have lost that magic in him? That magic, that exists
in someone who contemplates the meaning of our existence in the great work
of nature ...

Ultimately, I think that is what I fear most in re-visiting the past again.

I am afraid that when I meet him again, he will not be the same person as
he was then. I am afraid the person I will meet, will be just like any other
selfish, materialistic and money-grubbing in our society.

I would rather remember him as that special someone, the way that I have kept him
in my memories all these ten years ...


there's a somebody I'm longing to see
i hope that he,
turns out to be
someone to watch over me ...